Your Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / Solstice / Chrismukkah / Festivus Horoscopes

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19): Watch out for sweets over the holidays or you will have a nasty cavity. Or a really bad headache. Your family will annoy you over the break. Are you sure you copied that math homework down correctly? You might want to check that. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18): Drama will surround you this holiday break. Of course, most of that drama will take place in your head. You will vow to complete your homework early, but will start it on Jan. 3. Avoid shellfish. And marine mammals. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Pisces (Feb.19 -March 20): You actually will finish your homework early. This will leave you with nothing to do. So you will watch all of the episodes of "Lost" on DVD. You will not understand anything that is going on. But you will fall in love with a character. Please note: the character is fictional and does not love you back. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Aries (March 21 - April 19): Your break will be fabulous with a lot of fun playtime with your little siblings. Or your cousins. Or your imaginary friends. Be aware that if you go up a tree, you must come down again. You will get at least one gift that you don't like. Do not verbalize this complaint. Avoid fire. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Sleep in until 3 p.m. each day. Don't complain about your homework/mom/cousin/dog, because no one truly cares. Arguments over presents will occur. You will shop for presents on Christmas Eve. The New Year's Eve party won't be as fun as you expected it to be. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20): When a telemarketer calls, try to sell them something. It's possible you will succeed. Watch what you type in Facebook chat; it will be misinterpreted. Learn how to create the penguin symbol. You will get bored over break and will miss school. Try to charm your parents into buying you an iPhone. You might get it or you might not. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22): A virus will come to you over e-mail. Avoid e-mail, even from your best friends. Your friend Matt cannot help you with your homework. The stapler you use will run out of staplers. The extras are in the junk drawer. Your significant other/crush is thinking of something. Find out what. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22): Don't sleep on your stomach. It will hurt your back. Don't worry about singing "A Whole New World" in the shower; it sounds great. You will gain 0.1 pound over break. Start a prank war with your siblings. It will get you in trouble, but will be worth it. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22): Do not eat fruitcake. Do eat a lot of dark chocolate. Start a self-help blog. Answer the one letter you receive. Feel good about yourself. Eat more chocolate. Sleeping until noon will be fun until you have to get up at 6 a.m. and you can't fall asleep the night before. Don't watch the news; it will make you angry. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22): Spend time teaching your dog to do something crazy. Your science homework will take longer than expected. Take pictures at parties. Save your essays on Word often. Girls, you will spend a ton of time on your hair before the holiday party. The snow will make it frizzy. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21): E-mail a Cancer friend constantly. Get mad when they don't open your e-mails. You will be part of a picture on Facebook that gets 500 comments. You've forgotten something very important. You won't ever remember what it is. You will flirt a lot at a party and nothing will happen. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21): You won't get a pony for your gift-giving holiday. You will rediscover the joy of Disney movies. You will create a massive blanket fort in your room. Invite friends over to sleep in the fort with you. Don't drink punch at any parties; it will end badly. Watch "A Very Potter Musical" on YouTube.